Friendship: In Honour of Jo

In honour of my BFF who passed several years ago today, I am dedicating this blog to friendship. I met my best friend when I was 7. The first gift she ever gave me was a charlie horse for my 8th birthday. As we grew up, our friendship matured and changed. It was a great feeling to know that, no matter what, this person had my back. We did everything together. There was love, trust, honesty and acceptance, even at our most annoying moments. Just hours before she left, I was lucky enough to tell her how much I loved her and we had one of the best heart-to-hearts that I’ve ever had with another human being. She lived grandly and boldly and left this world the way she lived it. I miss her still.

Memories trapped in time...

Her passing inspired so much music out of me. When it comes to writing, I am not one of those paint-by-numbers songwriters-for-hire. I only write when inspired and in order to be inspired, I need to live. I don’t enjoy writing what other people want to hear. I’ve always approached music as a tool for healing, not as a job or chore. I can only write for myself and if other people like it, well that’s a bonus.

Ink splatter of an Ankh with her intials, JB.

Relationships inspire a lot of us: both the ones with people who are currently in our lives and those who have left. Lately, I’ve questioned why some people value friendship more than others. Is it the way we’re brought up? Is it the experiences we’ve gone through or haven’t gone through? Are some people just jerks? Or are they too afraid to be vulnerable and open up? How do different people define friendship?

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Feliz Cumpleanos Abuelita!

Today is my abuelita’s 80th birthday. If she didn’t live so far (Colombia), I’d be hanging out with the huge family I’ve never met, playing guitar and drinking with them in celebration. I have met her though. Twice.

Mi abuelita

If it wasn’t for the language barrier, it would’ve been easy to pick up the phone. But alas, I had to send a message in Spenglish to my primas to read aloud. It was as I was writing the message that I felt inspired to write this.

Growing up, I did learn Spanish, but I was ridiculed in my Saturday Spanish school because of my Canadian accent. Kids can be so cruel! I was a shy kid so I quickly clammed up and neatly locked any memory of the language in a file waaaaay at the back of my brain. The only thing that unlocks it is a bit of alcohol mixed with being in a Spanish country for a minimum of three days.

I always cherished my abuelita. She is the only grandparent I ever knew. I would see my friends take their grandparents for granted and it would make me upset. If they only knew how lucky they were to be able to learn so much about how it was like “back then”. And a lifetime of stories!

Throughout my life, my phone conversations with her went pretty much like this:
“Hola abuelita, como estas?…Te quiero mucho….Adios!”

One thing about my grandma that affected my whole life was the fact that she was diabetic. I was never a sweet tooth, learning early on that diabetes was found on both sides of the family and it was the reason I never met my other grandmother. To show you what I mean, after getting a bag of Halloween candy, I would only eat one piece of candy per day and end up throwing half of it out. I ALWAYS ate the chips though.

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Playing Live: Remembering where it began

So the reason I found time to finally write is the same reason that I didn’t have time to write for the past month. I’m in a car heading to Cape Breton with my Harbinger bandmates, driving eastbound through the Canadian shield. The Cape Breton International Drumfest will be our first public appearance. We’ve spent the last five weeks writing and fine-tuning songs, getting our tone ready and rehearsing the set over and over and over…

And now I’m sitting in Elie’s car listening to Oasis…memories from school come flooding back as I realize it’s been 10 years since I finally grew the balls to play guitar in a live, public setting. 

It all started with my friend KT. The two of us would perform mostly Oasis covers at open mics around Ottawa. We learned other stuff like Black Sabbath and Beatles songs, but always Oasis. To this day, Noel Gallagher is one of my favourite songwriters AND lead guitarists. I can hum any of his solos right now. He’s all about the song.

I still remember the first time I ever played live. I brought my guitar to my soccer game so I could head directly to the open mic afterwards. I had shin splints and was in pain. By the time they called us up to the stage, I thought I would fall over and puke. 

I was soooo nervous I couldn’t even stand! So I sat during our three-song set while KT stood and sang. Time flew and, before I could stop shaking, it was over.

Every set after that would always feel like it flew by and ended too fast. Even the Motley Crue show! I tried my best to imprint every moment, but even that set was over in a blink of the eye. 

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Jump in the Fire!

I did something recently that many people around me said they couldn’t do. I picked up and moved to another city. Some people asked if it was a tough decision. Decision? I didn’t have a choice! Music was calling. Even my older brother said he couldn’t believe I was just going to uproot and move. I turned to him and said, “But I’ve always done what I wanted.” He laughed because it was true. 

Well, for the most part. I admit I went to university because I thought I owed it to my parents who immigrated to Canada in the 70s for a better life. I knew by the end of the first semester that I was never going to be a psychologist, but I was too scared to audition for the music program. Sometimes we are our own biggest obstacles. 

My point? I don’t think any of us can be truly happy if we are living our lives for other people. 

Sometimes the expectations come from family. Friends pressure you too. How many times has someone told you what you should do or that you couldn’t do something? Or what about the people who laughed at your dreams and visions? 

I say fuck those people! Yeah, even if it’s your parents. It’s your life. No one else’s. You are responsible for your own happiness, your own success. And by success, I don’t mean monetary wealth. I’m talking about fulfillment and inner peace.  

I was lucky. I grew up being told I could do and be whatever I wanted. I was told not to listen to anybody who told me otherwise. The day I moved to Montréal, I walked around a city park reflecting on this and my eyes filled with tears. I was so happy to be here, to be living the life I wanted, writing and playing music with talented musicians I respected and admired.    

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Quack! Mmmmmmm…

Just over a year ago I began eating organic food. I don’t even remember why. I was probably sold on the esthetics of the butcher shop/grocery (I’m naive like that) and I like supporting local, family-owned businesses. Only a ten-minute walk from where I live, The Healthy Butcher on Queen West in Toronto is where I would start buying my groceries. It wasn’t just that the food was organic, but the selection and quality cannot be compared to anything in a big-box grocery. It looks and tastes different! The chicken doesn’t shrink when you cook it!

Since last year, I’ve tried bison, elk, lamb, and venison in addition to the regular stuff like chicken, salmon, beef. Today, in honour of The Healthy Butcher’s 5th anniversary, I’m going to share a recipe for one of my favourite dishes: Duck with Mango Salsa.

What you’ll need:
-duck breast
-smoked alderwood salt
-olive oil
-garlic, diced
-1 large mango, diced
-1/2 red bell pepper, diced
-2 tbsp red onion, minced
-1 tbsp lemon juice
-2 tbsp lime juice
-1 tbsp chopped cilantro
-sea salt
-pepper

1-Prepare salsa first. You can even do this the day before. Mix mango, pepper, red onion, cilantro, lemon and lime juices in a bowl. Add salt and pepper to taste. Refrigerate.

Ingredients for salsa.

2-Using a cross-hatched pattern, score the layer of fat on the duck breast.

Cross-hatch scoring.

3-Heat olive oil with garlic in a cast iron pan on medium heat. Rub duck with smoked salt. Cook fat side first. When the fat is rendered down and the pan fills with duck fat, aka “liquid gold”, (10-12 minutes) and looks brown like in the picture, flip and cook for 5-8 more minutes.

Cooking in cast iron.

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My Childhood Hero…

“And I learned very early to follow my instincts. My standards have always been mine alone. I have never tried to be like somebody else, or live up to the expectations of others. I don’t believe in following. I believe in leading.”
- Michael Jordan, “Driven from Within”
MJ winning....again
Some people really underestimate childhood experiences and the future impact those experiences have. I have to thank my older brother for this one although I don’t think he knew the impact himself. You see, he got me obsessed with sports, mainly basketball and its hero of the day, Michael Jordan.

It was while watching Come Fly With Me as a kid that I learned about the drive within MJ. Unlike him, I made the team easily my first year, but I did eventually have my own “You-can’t-do-that” experience with music that propelled me to a new level of determination. In fact, I’ve had a few of those experiences from both guys and girls.

What I liked about Mike was that he not only shone, but he made everyone on his team play better. He inspired them to be better. His team never played the same without him. He was a true leader.

I admired that he was the first one on the court for practice and the last one to leave. He was better than everyone for a reason. If Bob Lefsetz told him he needed 10,000 hours to play professionally, MJ would’ve done 100,000 hours. And it was never for the money, always for the love of the game. Sure, he had sponsorships flying at him like a winter blizzard, but his performance on the court drove the marketing, “not the other way around” according to him.

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Why I play music…

It started with someone else’s trash: an old organ that had its plug ripped off. My dad, a self-proclaimed music lover, pulled over to save the organ from a disastrous fate. A five-minute job to fix the plug and it was mine. A new toy I would spend hours and hours playing. I taught myself theory and learned songs like “Blue Danube”, “Fur Elise”, “Greensleeves”. I figured out nursery rhymes by ear. Everything about playing music was exciting and comforting at the same time. I buried myself in it, crawled into it like a safe, little haven made just for me.

And it healed me just like millions before and after me. The rush of that healing enabled my addiction to music. I felt every note and I was drawn towards melancholic melodies like misery looking for company. I wanted more. Being five didn’t matter. I understood what was happening.

I grew up listening to a mix of classical music and 80s/90s Top 40. As a kid, I always participated in vocal choirs (I had a triangle solo once in a choir) or showcases for dance and music. I was a tomboy so the dancing didn’t last. When Jem and the Holograms aired on TV, I wanted to be in a girl band. To give you an idea of how this affected me, I had one Barbie and two Jem dolls. At Christmas, my cousin and I would put on shows and sing for our family. My first paid job was to write out lyrics to songs my mom loved. That was before lyrics.com.

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10 reasons for my blog…

1- I hate the MySpace layout plus it seems like it’s dying a slow death…
2- I love to talk about music, what I like, what I’m doing and using, what others recommend…
3- I want to promote my new band and share my excitement with you!
4- I wanted to help the economy by giving my webdood a job… :)
5- Because I am never joining Facebook. Stop asking.
6- I would love to keep in touch with people I’ve met through Scarlet Sins.
7- I love to write.
8- Occasionally, I’d like to share my cooking and baking talents here.
9- I want to share what I have learned and will learn.
10- Twitter rocks, but sometimes I want to keep talking… :D

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